Plus ca change

Whilst researching London newspapers of the 18th and 19th centuries for yet another failed doctorate I came across the following. Plus ca change.


A letter from Mr. Daniel Stuart to Mr. Robert Burns


Dear Mr Burns,

Thank you for your poem, “To a haggis”.
I am at a loss how to begin,
so shall only say that I endeavoured
to counter my initial confusion at your work
by procuring a “haggis” through the auspices
of my good friend Dunbar, of Edinburgh.
I regret to tell you that
the provision, though sent post,
arrived in a rancid state;
thus I was unable to sample it.
I was somewhat perturbed, however,
when Mr. Boswell, a regular visitor
to these offices, insisted on boiling it
and after a lengthy steaming
proceeded to consume it with,
I can only say, gusto.
Dr. Johnson and I were forced to retire
to the outer office for the progress
of this degustation,
though I must say it has helped me
to consider your coinage,
“warm-reekin”, in line eighteen,
appropriate.
Which leads me nicely to your verse.
I am sorry, but upon careful consideration
I do not feel it to be suitable for our readership
for a number of reasons, not least the use
of what I assume to be your vernacular tongue.
In this regard, may I offer you a small piece of advice.
Dr. Johnson, whom I have previously mentioned,
is currently working on what will, I think,
be a major boon to prospective writers,
such as yourself.
It is a dictionary,
in which he will provide
the correct spellings, pronunciation and definitions
of the words in current usage in our mother tongue,
the King’s English.
I took the liberty of consulting Samuel
during his aforementioned visit
and he informed me that “hurdies”, “sconner” and “sned”
appear nowhere in his work,
which will, assuredly, be authoritative.
On publication, I suggest you secure a copy.
I must leave you now,
with my very best regard,
for I have an invite to the inaugural
“Shakespeare’s Supper” in Pall Mall,
an evening of celebration of The Bard’s life.
It has been conceived by the Literary Club
and Mr. Goldsmith is sure it will catch on.
I wish you good health sir,
Yours, etc.

Mr. Daniel Stuart, The Morning Post, London.