On Good Friday, when I really should be thinking about other things.Anyway, Kat's back with a meme, and as I am an egotistical meglomaniac with no one to look after, I gave it a go. It's here:
My name is: JoAnne, Jo-Jo (childhood), MUM!
Never in my life have I been: as good as I could be.
The one person who can drive me nuts is: My younger brother (combination of sibling rivalry and jealousy).
High school: was first an ultra-modern all-girl’s school in The City of London and then an ancient boy’s institution in Canterbury. I liked both, as I learn easily.
When I’m nervous: I give no signs whatsoever, and up my game.
The last song I listened to was: “Mao Tse Tung Said”, Alabama 3. (Album: Exile on Coldharbour Lane).
If I were to get married right now (renew my vows) my best man/maid of honour: my best friend, Adora.
My hair is: long, coloured and a saving grace, appearance-wise.
When I was 5: I thought I was boy.
Last Christmas: Husband had to work!
I should be: ruler of the world. Just can’t face all the hassle of getting there.
When I look down I see: An Alabama 3 album, “Outlaw”. Are you noticing a theme here?
The happiest recent event was: April Fool’s Day and then sending everybody save the dog off to Aviemore.
If I were a character on ‘Friends’ I’d be: please don’t laugh, I haven’t seen a single episode.
By this time next year: I want my garden back again.
My current gripe is: bands who take longer to tune up than play. Sorry, musicians.
I have a hard time understanding: Calculus. I keep in trying. And trying.
There’s this girl I know that: declined a one-night stand with Jimmy Nail.
If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: husband!
Take my advice: It’s more about right place, right face, right time than it is about you.
The thing I want to buy: a new fleece, as mine’s got a broken zip. Do I live in a rural Scottish village or what?
If you visited the place I was born: you would be in concrete, consumerist, sub-cockney heaven.
I plan to visit: Egypt and Greece and Turkey for archeological fixes.
If you spent the night at my house: You would be woken at 8am by two loud voices outside your door saying “Can we wake them up yet?”
I’d stop my wedding if: Ben Hur walked in and swept me away in a chariot saying I’d healed his anger.
The world could do without: any visual perception of skin colour. Though I realise a lot of beauty would be lost.
I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: eat seafood. Especially winkles.
Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: ArtSparker’s book, “Dreaming Alice”.
Most recent thing someone else bought me: Lilies.
My favorite blonde is: I read this as "favourite book" and typed Moby Dick. Which fits, I guess. Otherwise, Jean Harlow.
My favorite brunette is: ooh, toughie. Louise Brooks.
My favorite red head is: not so hard. Paloma Faith (if she’s red at the moment).
My middle name is: Ruby! After a Great Aunt; following years in the wilderness it’s coming back in fashion (see Sorlil).
In the morning I: find it hard to speak until I’ve had a cup of tea and a cigarette.
The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: something small and non-deadly that doesn’t get many breaks. Pugs?
Once, at a bar: Keith Floyd sent me over a crème de menthe frappe. (I know you’ve heard it before). On two other, separate occasions men have sent me over bottles of Champagne. I suspect I must channel “inner-prostitute” somehow.
Last night I was: watching “Any Questions” and stripping beds.
There’s this guy I know who: I married. I think he’s the only guy I truly know.
If I was an animal I’d be: something large and deadly. Siberian tiger.
A better name for me would be: Ruler of the World.
Tomorrow I am: going shopping! On my own!
Tonight I am: cleaning and throwing things out before they all get back, as well as hoping The Passion of the Christ will be on television somewhere. Though I've got the Collector's Edition of Ben Hur on DVD (includes the silent version) just in case.
My birthday is: May 9th. Yes, I’m resistant to change etc.
Enough venality. I'm off to church.
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